Transcript

The One Shall Not Become Two-Part Two

1 Corinthians 7:12-16
Sunday, September 4, 2005
Pastor Randy Smith

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John Piper once said, "When God stands as witness to the covenant promises of a marriage it becomes more than a merely human agreement. God is not a passive bystander at a wedding ceremony. In effect He says, I have seen this, I confirm it and I record it in heaven. And I bestow upon this covenant by My presence and My purpose the dignity of being an image of My own covenant with My wife, the church" (Sermon, Nov. 22, 1987).

In a nutshell we can say God takes marriage very seriously! If I can reiterate the words of Jesus, "'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate" (Mt. 19:5-6).

Last week, we learned that the Apostle Paul brought these words of Christ to the Corinthian church. In verse 10 of chapter 7 he said, "But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband." In verse 11 we see the parallel. "The husband should not divorce his wife."

This was radical teaching during the first century. Men were rarely given marital stipulations. Divorces were commonplace. And obtaining a divorce was easier than purchasing a loaf of bread.

All this brought shame to the sanctity of marriage as God planned it. Marriage, as created by God, is intended to illustrate Jesus Christ and His union with the church. This union radiates love. This union exemplifies trust. This union magnifies oneness. This union stresses permanence.

Jesus Christ will never leave us nor forsake us (Heb. 13:5). He promised to be "with (us) always, even to the end of the age." Our attitude, toward our spouse, for the glory of God should be no different. "Honey, I promise to be with you always!"

The wedding ceremony is designed to illustrate this. During the vows we pledge to stay together, regardless of the circumstances, until death do us part. And on our fingers we place a ring, a circle without end, which represents our unending love for one another. Our human marriages are to mirror God's spiritual marriage to us.

We have God's word that marriage is good and those who are called to pursue this wonderful institution are promised blessings beyond their imagination. However, we were never promised that marriage would be easy. I trust all of you can testify that a successful marriage is hard work. It takes time and energy and dedication and communication and compromise and prayer and counsel.

Marriage is a microcosm of the church: taking two sinners, making them one, placing them under the same roof and calling them to live in perfect harmony. The only difference is that we see our spouses a whole lot more than we see our other brothers and sisters in Christ. Like two porcupines in love - We may enjoy each other's company, but no one will prick us more than our mate.

So it is only natural then when you combine our close proximity and our sinful propensity for self, that any marriage is bound to have conflict. Therefore every marriage must know how to resolve conflict God's way and reconcile the relationship before the sun goes down on their anger (Eph. 4:26). Therefore, reconciliation is the key to God honoring marriages - not separation by divorce. That's why Paul said in verse 11, "But if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband." Divorce is bad enough, but remarriage closes the door on any future reconciliation.

Now at this point someone is bound to say that God does permit remarriage and divorce on certain occasions. While I agree that this is true, I must also say that divorce in certain situations is God's concession to man's sin and never part of His original plan (Gen. 2:24; Mt. 19:8). And if we ever pursue a biblical divorce, it should be pursued only when there is no other recourse.

I like the way James Montgomery Boice put it. "Instead of trying to find loopholes in God's commandment or trying to convince ourselves that our spouse is not a Christian or is at least not behaving as one and therefore divorceable, we ought to be shouting the holiness of marriage from the housetops. It is better to endure much personal unhappiness than to treat as expendable the solemn vows of the wedding service" (The Minor Prophets, volume 2, Micah-Malachi, Baker, p. 588).

We should be screaming the holiness of marriage from the housetops! Nevertheless, God does permit divorce in certain situations, and one of these situations will be discussed in this morning's text. Last week in verses 10-11 we observed God's instruction for a Christian married to another Christian. Now in verses 12-16 we will observe God's instruction for a Christian married to an unbeliever.

I know many of you are married to an unbeliever. You will be my primary audience this morning.

1. WHEN A CHRISTIAN IS BOUND IN MARRIAGE (12-14)

Let's begin with the first point: "When a Christian is bound in marriage." Permit me to read verses 12-13. "But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away."

Two points of clarification before we dive into this subject:

First of all we must not misunderstand Paul's words at the beginning of verse 12: "But to the rest I say, not the Lord." Many have taken these comments to imply that Paul was only giving his opinion on this matter, and that his remarks that follow to unequally yoked couples were merely good advice. This conclusion is often drawn by comparing verse 12 with the beginning of verse 10 where he said, "But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord." In other words, the Lord gave a command in verse 10 and Paul gave advice in verse 12.

This conclusion is incorrect. We must understand that Paul quoted Jesus when applicable. Jesus gave instruction regarding marriage and divorce between two Christians so Paul built on His teaching in verses 10 and 11. However, we have no record of Jesus instructing spiritually mixed marriages. Christ primarily taught the Jews, but Paul was confronted with a variety of new situations when he took the gospel to the outermost regions of the pagan world.

Therefore Paul provided new revelation for the church, but as an Apostle, information that comes with the same inspiration and same authority as the words of Christ (cf. 7:25; also see Grudem, Systematic Theology, p. 77).

Second, I can only imagine how difficult at times it could be to live with an unbelieving spouse. The frustrations, the disappointments and the heartache I'm sure at times can be unbearable. If you find yourself in this situation, I trust that you will forever draw on God's grace that is more than sufficient and still fervently pursue your relationship with Christ, regardless of your spouse's spiritual interest. You can't wait for your spouse to come around before you start growing in Christ.

Even 1 Peter states that ladies, you have a better chance of winning your husband to Christ not by your words, but rather as they observe your gentle spirit and chaste behavior which is precious in the sight of God (1 Pet. 3:1-3). Your godly character and your prayers will make the most impact. Someone once said, "Maybe we need to talk more to God about our husband and less to our husband about God."

Possibly you married an unbeliever and were saved after marriage or possibly you were saved before marriage and made the mistake of marrying an unbeliever (1 Cor. 7:39; 2 Cor. 6:14-16). Regardless of how you found yourself is this situation, God's Word, off the pen of the Apostle Paul provides you with clear instruction regarding your marriage relationship. Verses 12 and 13 declare that if your unbelieving marriage partner wants to live with you, you must not send him or her away.

You can imagine the shock when these unbelieving spouses heard this instruction for the first time in the first century. Their concerns seem justifiable.

But Paul, my husband daily visits the temple of Aphrodite and tries to involve me in his idol worship!

But Paul, you made it clear that joining ourselves to a prostitute is the same as joining the prostitute to Christ (6:15). When I engage with my unbelieving spouse, aren't I joining a child of Satan to Christ?

But Paul, my wife is worshipping different gods than I am and bringing great shame to our family name (see Plutarch, Mor. 140D, Advice to Bride and Groom).

But Paul, won't I grow better in the Christian faith if I divorce my unbelieving spouse and marry a believing spouse?

But Paul, my relationship to Jesus Christ has caused great strife in our marriage. We have never experienced more tension.

But Paul, God commanded the Jews to divorce their pagan spouses (Ez. 10:3). Should I divorce mine?

But Paul, two believers have the hope of reconciling their differences. They have a mutual commitment to honor Christ. They have the Word of God. They have the indwelling Holy Spirit? What hope do I have with my unbelieving spouse?

Paul, aren't these worthy grounds to divorce my unbelieving spouse?

No, says the Apostle. Religious incompatibility is not a ground for divorce. If your spouse consents to the marriage, you must continue in the marriage.

Why?

In addition to a command in the Word of God, one answer is found in verse 14. "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy."

Now, this verse has confused people since its inception. Before we say what it does mean, let's say what it does not mean.

It definitely cannot mean that the family members are saved because of the believing spouse. We know that salvation, in order for it to be genuine, must be received individually by each member of the household. We are saved by personal faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, not by close proximity to another Christian. Additionally we know that the wife spoken of in verse 14 as being "sanctified" is unsaved because she is still referred to as an "unbeliever" in the same verse (also see verse 16).

So what is Paul talking about? The key word that often confuses people in this verse is the verb "sanctified" (NASB, NIV, KJV, NKJV). This word does not necessarily mean that the unbelieving family members are saved. It only means that they are "set apart" - Set apart to live in a holy environment because of the believing spouse. Because God blesses His children, those in close proximity to His children are indirectly blessed as well.

Allow me to illustrate this point from three stories recorded in Genesis:

Do you remember when God told Abraham that He would destroy Sodom and Gomorrah because of its exceeding wickedness? And Abraham pleaded with God to spare the city on account of the righteous that lived there. And after negotiating with the Lord, God promised Abraham that the whole city would be spared if just ten righteous souls were found (Gen. 18:32). Unfortunately even this number was too high. We know the city was destroyed, but we see how the righteous could have been a blessing to the unrighteous. A whole city could have been saved if just 10 righteous people were found.

About ten chapters later in Genesis we have the account of Jacob and his father-in-law, Laban. After fulfilling his end of the bargain and faithfully serving Laban, Jacob asked for his permission to depart. But Laban said to the righteous Jacob, "If now it pleases you, stay with me; I have divined that the Lord has blessed me on your account" (Gen. 30:27).

About ten chapters later we begin the account of Jacob's son, Joseph, another righteous individual. After being sold into slavery, Joseph was appointed overseer of the house of Potipher. In chapter 39 we read, "It came about that from the time (Potipher) made (Joseph) overseer in his house and over all that he owned, the Lord blessed the Egyptian's house on account of Joseph; thus the Lord's blessing was upon all that he owned, in the house and in the field" (Gen. 39:5).

The point I am trying to make is that unbelievers are blessed because of their close proximity to believers. John MacArthur said, "God's indwelling of that believer and all the blessings and graces that flow into the believer's life from heaven will spill over to enrich all who are near" (1 Corinthians, p. 166).

Verse 14 is intended to be an encouragement to that believing spouse who lives in a household of unbelievers. Despite their unbelief, ignorance and unrelenting persecution, these unbelievers are unwittingly sanctified by the believing spouse. They are "set apart" for God's blessing. They are recipients of your prayers. They witness the Christian life up close. They are near the Gospel message. They, especially the children, receive the benefits of the church. As God blesses His child, those blessing spill over into the family. Because of the one believer there is spiritual blessing on the home. And more often than not they have no clue of it - But now you do!

Therefore, says Paul, if your unbelieving spouse wants to continue the relationship (verses 12-13), hang in there because you will be a blessing to your spouse and your children whether they realize it or not.

And don't think your mixed union will defile your marriage or your children. Under the law you were cursed, now in the New Covenant under grace, actually the opposite is true. You are blessed. Your spouse is blessed. Your kids are blessed. All because of you and your blessed relationship with Christ.

I hope all of you who are living in an unbelieving household take this encouragement to heart!

2. WHEN A CHRISTIAN IS RELEASED FROM MARRIAGE (15-16)

As we move to the second point of the sermon, we will look at another scenario that might develop within a mixed marriage. We just learned that if the unbelieving partner wishes to stay, the believing spouse must not pursue a divorce. But what if the unbelieving spouse wishes to leave the marriage? Does the believing spouse have an obligation to preserve the marriage or is the individual released from the bond on marriage?

What do you think? The answer in Scripture is clear. Verse 15, "Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace."

Jesus Christ accepts all who come to Him, but those who come to Him must come according to His standards. Jesus spells out His demands in Luke 9. "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me" (Lk. 9:23). The call of Christ is clear - death to self. He is to be acknowledged as our Lord. All that we have, all that we are, all that we ever want to be is surrendered to His care and oversight now to be used for His glory and the building of His kingdom.

This is not the lifestyle of a good Christian; this is the lifestyle of every Christian. Therefore you can only imagine how someone with this attitude could cause tension with his or her unbelieving spouse. Tertullian wrote at the turn of the second century how heathen husbands were angry with their Christian wives because they wanted to accept martyrdom, embrace other Christians and visit the cottages of the poor (MacArthur, 1 Corinthians, p. 167). Today it might be translated:

Are you going to church again?

I'd rather not have your Christian friends in our home!

Why do you always read that Bible?

I don't want you to talk our kids about Jesus?

How much money did you give to the church this week?

You're not as much fun as you used to be!

When these situations occur, tremendous tension is placed on the marriage. Only two options exist: Should the believing spouse compromise to meet the needs of the unbelieving spouse? Or should the believing spouse remain steadfast in his or her devotion to Christ? Allow me to put it this way, who does the spouse have a greater obligation to please? Answer - in every case the Lord must be given priority.

Believers should never seek to drive away their unbelieving spouses. Their Spirit-filled attitudes should be a blessing to the family, but if the unbelieving spouse desires to leave, the believer has no control over the outcome. Don't insist on the person staying. Don't contest the divorce proceedings. The Apostle says in verse 15 that you are to let the person depart and you are no longer in bondage to the marital obligations. Why? Because the partner broke the union, and as the verse continues, "(Because) God has called us to peace."

Some have, I believe wrongly, counseled believers that they must remain with the unbeliever even if the person wants to leave. They must endure the adultery and the desertion. Furthermore, they are told they must not refuse their responsibilities to please this individual sexually (7:5). I don't believe there is anything peaceful about that! Nor do I believe this is in line with the teaching of verse 15 in Scripture.

Others, going too far with verse 14 think the believer should insist on staying with the unbeliever who wants to depart for the sake of winning the person to Christ. That might sound noble, but I think Paul addresses that issue in verse 16. "For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?" We need to let the person go, entrusting him or her to God who is able to use others to bring His children to faith.

Once again, as we study this issue of divorce, we see that a believer's response to this issue is always predicated on the response of the unbelieving partner. If he or she wants to stay - you stay. If he or she wants to leave - let him or her leave. The Christian has no grounds for initiating the divorce. Yet the Christian does have the responsibility to preserve the marriage and pursue peace in the relationship as much as it depends on them (Rom. 12:18).

As I mentioned in the beginning of the sermon, divorce is never part of God's intention for marriage. However, due to our sinfulness, the Bible permits certain clearly defined exceptions. We are permitted to pursue these options without sin, but we must remember that the primary fault of the divorce should never lie with the believer.

This morning we learned about situations that involve a believer with a nonbeliever. That condition has many benefits, but also carries many disadvantages. It is not the ideal marriage that God desires between two individuals who both love the Lord. Nevertheless, God can bless you and use you if you find yourself in this situation.

All in all, marriage should be one of blessing and one of harmony. Marriage should be an opportunity to glorify God better together than could be done alone. As Christians we should be quick to resolve conflict and never entertain the idea of divorce.

Lou Priolo in his excellent book, The Complete Husband, said, "In all my 13 years as a professional marriage counselor, I've never seen an unbiblical divorce cause less pain and suffering than it would have taken to "fix" the marriage. …When a Christian initiates an unbiblical divorce, it's always because he's hardened his heart against God. …It's his self-centeredness and discontentment that causes a man to forsake his wife and family, separate himself from them, seek his own desire, and look for greener pastures elsewhere" (p. 235, 237, 238).

We are all in different marital situations. Maybe you are single. Maybe you are married to an unbeliever. Maybe you are married to a believer. Regardless of your marital status, may we all find contentment in whatever circumstances we find ourselves and use our circumstances to bring God as much glory as possible.