Transcript

Love Is Not Rude or Selfish

1 Corinthians 13:5
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Pastor Randy Smith

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Although we all possess English copies of the New Testament, the original New Testament was written in Greek. And at the time of composing Holy Scripture, there were three different Greek words in existence for the one English word we call "love."

As we learned last week, there was the word agape, which denotes a sacrificial love. There was the word philia, which is used often in the Bible to refer to a brotherly affection. Finally, there was the word eros, which speaks of sexual desires or feelings. This word, where we have derived our English words "erotic" and "erogenous" is never found in the Scriptures.

Eros originates with the Greek god of love that bears the same name. The Romans also borrowed this fertility god from the Greeks, but they changed his name to Cupid from the Latin word cupido meaning "desire."

Often when we see pictures of Cupid this time of the year, he is armed with a bow and arrows, which according to the legend, are intended to arouse the desire of love or hatred amongst those impacted. For this reason, Cupid or Eros has been called a "clever hunter." He seeks to grasp or possess the object of his desire through cunning and seductive ways.

On the contrary, agape love as we have been studying in 1 Corinthians 13, stands in opposition to any form of self-love. It stands in opposition to any desire to gratify the flesh or personal ego. It is a giving love. It is a self-sacrificial love that always seeks the good of another, even at the expense of self. Agape love, not eros love, is God's expectation for the Christian. A lofty command indeed!

This is how God loves. We know the Bible emphatically declares that God is agape; God is love (1 Jn. 4:8). But the Bible also teaches us that this "love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us" (Rom. 5:5). Therefore our seemingly impossible task of demonstrating agape love is not dependent on our own strength or determination. On the contrary, it is God working His love through us by the power of the Holy Spirit "whom He (has also) poured out upon us richly" (Tit. 3:6). And as we know, the fruit of the Holy Spirit that indwells us is agape; love (Gal. 5:22).

So the ability to love others as God expects comes from the God who has given us this expectation. And moreover, the greatest indication that God truly lives within us is measured not by our ability to seek our own desires as in eros love, but rather to forsake our own desires and give the agape love we have first received from Him.

This morning we will look at two characteristics of agape love. Both are found in 1 Corinthians 13, verse 5 and both are spoken in the negative. According to Holy Scripture, love is not rude and love is not selfish.

1. LOVE IS NOT RUDE

Let's first begin with "love is not rude" (NIV) or as some translations put it, "love does not act unbecomingly" (NASB) or "love does not act unseemly" (YLT).

As we consider rudeness, at the lowest level, we need to consider the proper etiquette for a specific culture. If you have ever traveled oversees, you know there are many social norms that differ from ours here in America. A failure to follow their expected patterns of behavior is considered rude and interpreted as unloving.

In America, in our own homes, we are constantly trying to teach our children proper manners. You say, is it really a moral issue if a kid chews a hot dog with her mouth open or reaches over three plates to grab the Kool-Aid or snatches the last brownie without asking if anyone would like it? The answer is "yes" because all of these issues and many more show a greater consideration for personal feelings than the feelings of others. And that spirit is contrary to the agape love we have already discussed.

Rudeness even goes much deeper than our manners at the dinner table. Anytime we are impolite by cutting a person off in mid sentence or showing up late for an appointment or using crude language or beings a "know-it-all" or not returning phone calls or not saying "thank you" or disrupting another person or failing to make charitable judgments of another (and the list continues), we are expressing rudeness. You see, all these rude actions reveal an attitude of the heart that is self-orientated. My time, my enjoyment and my perspectives are more important than yours.

Contextually, his rebuke in 1 Corinthian 13 was specifically addressed to the Corinthian church. It seems that nearly everything they did was unseemly and rude.

In chapter 14 we learn they disrupted the worship services. I'd consider that pretty rude. Possibly their rude spirit was most evident during their participation at the Lord's Table, ironically called their "agape-feasts." In chapter 11 Paul said, "For in your eating each one takes his own supper first; and one is hungry and another is drunk. What! Do you not have houses in which to eat and drink? Or do you despise the church of God and shame those who have nothing? What shall I say to you? Shall I praise you? In this I will not praise you" (1 Cor. 11:21-22). Regardless of your interpretation of that verse we clearly see the manifestation of self-centered rudeness, even at the church.

On the contrary agape love is polite and thoughtful. It is caring. It is courteous - a word that came into existence in the Middle Ages that interestingly derives its meaning from the proper etiquette to be displayed in the court of a king. The word "courtesy" combines the words "court" and "etiquette."

In the same way we must always consider ourselves at all times in the court of King Jesus. We should be courteous not only because of the personal advantages or need to demonstrate good social responsibility. We should be courteous because we desire to please the Lord who is observing all our actions. We should please Him by revealing the love that He has poured out into our lives. For the opposite of being courteous is being rude. And love is not rude because love is not self-centered.

2. LOVE IS NOT SELFISH

This leads us to the next attribute of love found in 1 Corinthians 13, "Love is not selfish."

Ou zetei ta heautas. Literally we could translate the Greek "not seek its own." Other translations say, "(Love is) not self-seeking" (NIV). "(Love) never seeks its own advantage" (NJB). "(Love) does not demand its own way" (NLT). All these convey the same meaning, "Love is not selfish."

I like the way one commentator, Gordon Fee, put it: In some ways, this is the fullest expression of what Christian love is all about. It does not seek its own; it does not believe that "finding oneself" is the highest good; it is not enamored with self-gain, self-justification, self-worth. To the contrary, it seeks the good of ones neighbor - or enemy" (1 Corinthians, p. 638).

Two hikers were walking through the woods when they suddenly confronted a giant bear. Immediately, one of the men took off his boots, pulled out a pair of track shoes and began putting them on. "What are you doing?" cried his companion. "We can't outrun that bear, even with jogging shoes." "Who cares about the bear?" the first hiker replied. "All I have to worry about is outrunning you."

We don't like selfish people. Maybe that's why Tertullian said; "He who lives only to benefit himself confers on the world a benefit when he dies."

Selfishness is wrong because it considers one's own personal good more important than another's. It's a pre-occupation with self. It's an excessive or exclusive concern for self. It's seeking one's own advantage or pleasure without regard for the well being of others. When we are selfish, our good becomes the highest good and people around us always seem to be in the way.

In the Bible selfishness incited Lucifer to challenge God's authority (Isa. 14:13). Selfishness compelled Adam and Eve to disobey the commandment of God in the Garden (Gen. 3:5, 6). Selfishness contributed to the corruption of the Old Testament priests and prophets (Eze. 34:18; Zec. 7:6). Selfishness prompted the Israelites to rebuild their own houses while ignoring the Lord's house (Hag. 1:4, 9). Selfishness robs God from use of our time, energy and finances (Mal. 1:8; 3:8). And when we do give, selfishness prohibits us from being a "cheerful giver" (2 Cor. 9:7). Selfishness keeps people out of God's Kingdom like the rich young ruler (Mt. 19:21). Elsewhere Jesus said, "For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?" (Mk. 8:36). Selfishness is a trait of those who are living in the "last days" when men will be "lovers of self" (2 Tim. 3:2). And selfishness is an indication of those without Christ (1 Jn. 3:17; Rom. 2:8).

That's why Solomon said, "Do not eat the bread of a selfish man" (Pro, 23:6a). That's why Paul spoke to those Philippian believers and said, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others" (Phil. 2:3-4). He went on to say, "Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 2:5). In speaking of Jesus, our example, he told the Romans, "For even Christ did not please Himself" (Rom. 15:3a). Likewise to the Corinthians he said, "And He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf" (2 Cor. 5:15).

This Corinthian church was very selfish. We learned in chapter 1 that they had disunity because of their selfish agendas (1 Cor. 1:10). In chapter 6 we learned that they were dragging one another into court rather than being personally defrauded (1 Cor. 6:7). In chapter 10 we learned how they were willing to walk over a weaker brother with differing convictions in the name of "Christian freedom" to which Paul abruptly said, "Let no one seek his own good, but that of his neighbor" (1 Cor. 10:24; cf. 10:33). I already mentioned how they selfishly did not share their food at their love-feasts (1 Cor. 11:21) and selfishly interrupted the worship services without concern for the edification of another (1 Cor. 14:33). Furthermore, in chapter 12 they used their spiritual gifts for their own advantage and not the common good (1 Cor. 12:7; 14:12).

Today we live in a culture possibly more than ever that esteems "self." Oftentimes our selfishness is rather evident like the mother who has an abortion or the man who bails on his family or the child who takes his life.

Other times selfishness is hidden and especially selfish when we love for personal gratification. The most obvious form is using love for the personal satisfaction of sensual desires. Possibly you have heard the saying, "Girls use sex to get love and boys use love to get sex." This is not agape love, but rather eros love. Another indication of selfishness under the banner of love is when people use others as objects in the name of love to stroke their own ego or personal insecurities. To them people become a possession and the relationship is governed by domination or manipulation as people dangle your heart on strings like a puppet.

Because of our natural gravitation toward self, the sin of selfishness possibly more than any other, is at the heart of our problems with other people, relationships. James 3:16 says, "For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing." In chapter 4 we read, "What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel." (Jas. 4:1-2a).

Personal conflict in the home or in the church is usually a result of selfishness on the part of one or more parties. And instead of using this conflict to grow spiritually and resolve the issue biblically, conflict often brings people to a greater degree of selfishness. Instead of considering the needs of the opponent more important, people kick it into high gear to get their own way only to further complicate the issues and bring more distance to the relationship.

We must begin to view interpersonal conflicts not as an inconvenience or an occasion to force our will upon another, but rather as a sovereign trial sent by God to demonstrate the love that He has poured into our lives. In the same way that He through His infinite sacrifice reconciled us to Himself, we too should seek reconciliation with another, especially with God's other children even when it comes at the expense of self. Isn't that what we have learned from the message of the cross?

But instead of witnessing peacemaking in the home and in the church, we see people run from their conflicts by denying the conflict exists or removing themselves completely from the relationship. Neither of these resolves the issue and usually makes matters worse. Others resort to attack responses such as the demanding of rights or intimidation or verbal assaults. Attackers will also seek to hurt others through selfish actions such as pouting, dirty looks, or imposing guilt. Oftentimes with these people winning the argument is more important than preserving the relationship. They will lose the friendship at the expense of a disagreement. "My way or the highway." Both escape and attack responses are often selfish and will never bring the peace-making results God desires. (Much of this material was borrowed from Ken Sande's excellent book, The Peacemaker.)

You see, interpersonal conflict really has the ability to test our faith. Do I really trust in the sovereignty of God? Is His approval all that really matters to me? Will I obey His commands to be patient, forbearing, forgiving and loving even when it comes at my own expense? Can I overlook another's sin? Will I be defrauded and offended if it means preserving the unity of the family or church and my testimony to the world? Will I imitate His sacrificial spirit to seek reconciliation? Do I want His glory or my own comfort? These are tough questions but they push us and reveal within us a greater love for His Word or a greater love for our own selfishness. Is living for Christ about getting what we feel we deserve or giving to God what He deserves?

Lord, bend that proud and stiff-necked "I,"
Help me to bow the neck and die,
Beholding Him on Calvary,
Who bowed His head for me.

Oh, to be saved from myself, dear Lord,
Oh, to be lost in Thee;
Oh, that it might be no more I,
But Christ that lives in me.

Author Unknown

When Paul denounced selfishness in Philippians 2 by calling us to not look merely to our own interests (2:3-4), he promoted Jesus Christ and outlined His work of the cross as a positive example we are all to follow (2:5-11). Nine verses later he also mentioned his dear friend Timothy, another positive example of selflessness. Of this man he said, "For I have no one else of kindred spirit who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare. For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ Jesus. But you know of his proven worth, that he served with me in the furtherance of the gospel like a child serving his father" (Phil. 2:20-22). Are you selfless? Are you Timothy?

I came across this self-evaluation. Ask yourself the following questions pertaining to "self." Are you ever conscious of:

A secret spirit of pride-an exalted feeling in view of your success or position; because of your good training or appearance; because of your natural gifts and abilities. An important, independent spirit?

Love of human praise; a secret fondness to be noticed; love of supremacy, drawing attention to self in conversation; a swelling out of self when you have had a free time in speaking or praying?

The stirrings of anger or impatience, which, worst of all, you call nervousness or holy indignation; a touchy, sensitive spirit; a disposition to resent and retaliate when disapproval of or contradicted; a desire to throw sharp, heated flings at another?

Self-will; a stubborn, unteachable spirit; an arguing, talkative spirit; harsh, sarcastic expression; an unyielding, headstrong disposition; a driving, commanding spirit; a disposition to criticize and pick flaws when set aside and unnoticed; a peevish, fretful spirit; a disposition that loves to be coaxed and humored?

Carnal fear; a man-fearing spirit; a shrinking from reproach and duty; reasoning around your cross; a shrinking from doing your whole duty by those of wealth or position; a fearfulness that someone will offend and drive some prominent person away; a compromising spirit?

A jealous disposition, a secret spirit of envy shut up in your heart; an unpleasant sensation in view of the great prosperity and success of another; a disposition to speak of the faults and failings, rather than the gifts and virtues of those more talented and appreciated than yourself?

A dishonest, deceitful disposition; the evading and covering of the truth; the covering up of your real faults; leaving a better impression of yourself than is strictly true; false humility; exaggeration; straining the truth?

Unbelief; a spirit of discouragement in times of pressure and opposition; lack of quietness and confidence in God; lack of faith and trust in God; a disposition to worry and complain in the midst of pain, poverty, or at the dispensations of Divine Providence; an overanxious feeling whether everything will come out all right?

(Doing good deeds or using spiritual gifts for your own self-interest).

(Wallowing in the mired waters of self-pity, constantly meditating on the ways others have abused you).

(An overbearing concern for your own comfort, convenience and enjoyment where the shadow of self is over everything else. Using language such as "I," "me," "my" or "mine" abundantly).

(Thinking of church only as an opportunity to receive and not an opportunity to give. Approaching church with a "what's in it for me attitude).

Formality and deadness; lack of concern for lost souls; dryness and indifference?

Selfishness; love of ease; love of money?

Author Unknown - Comments in parenthesis added

How did you do? I suppose if we are honest with ourselves, each of us to different degrees are selfish.

Do you want to change for the sake of God's glory and your own joy? With God, there is hope to crucify the sin of selfishness. As the great evangelist D.L. Moody once said, "God sends no one away empty except those who are full of themselves." The solution is similar to the remedies we have discussed in the past.

First of all, look to the example of Jesus Christ! The primary reason we are selfish is because we look too much to ourselves and not enough to Him.

The Bible emphatically declares that God is agape; God is love (1 Jn. 4:8). We know that the Father and the Son are one (Jn. 10:30). Therefore, we can also conclude that Jesus is agape; Jesus is love. As a matter of fact, we can read 1 Corinthians 13, substituting "Jesus" for the word "love" and walk away with a good description of the Person of Christ.

(Jesus) is patient, (Jesus) is kind and is not jealous; (Jesus) does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; (He) does not seek (His) own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; (He) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Cor. 13:4-7).

While on earth Jesus did not seek His own comfort or gain. He did not exercise His rights. Rather He always gave love and sought the welfare of others. The Scriptures say, "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many" (Mk. 10:45; Mt. 20:28).

Fix your eyes on the example of Jesus and imitate Him!

And second, put off your desire to serve self. Rather die to self and find greater joy in the service of others. Our Lord said, "It is more blessed to give than to receive" (Ac. 20:35). Do you have the faith to believe that promise? Numerous opportunities for service are provided at this church. Countless other informal opportunities are provided by our Lord each day. We must be in the continual process of asking ourselves, will I serve myself or will I serve others?

There is a large body of water in Israel that only takes in. It only receives and does not have any streams or rivers that give out. As a result it contains no living plants or fish. Its name is the Dead Sea and it illustrates the result of a selfish spirit that always taken in and never gives out.

A selfish spirit will kill our families and our church. A selfish spirit will also kill us. That is why this trait does not mark those who have been given eternal life.

I close with the following parable:

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, "Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like."

The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as
the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, "I don't understand."

"It is simple" said the Lord, "It requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves"

Parable of the Spoons - Author Unknown