Don't Break What God Makes

May 16, 2010 Preacher: Randy Smith Series: Matthew

Scripture: Matthew 19:1–12

Transcript

Don't Break What God Makes

Matthew 19:1-12
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Pastor Randy Smith



This past week I have been laboring through the production of a videotape. I am not talking about shooting a video from a camcorder, but rather writing a script, filming actors and actresses, splicing the footage and adding music, sound effects and subtitles - and then hoping the end result has coherence and quality. I entered the project enthusiastically with a professional idea in my mind. It took the actual manufacturing of it to realize there is more behind the scenes to these creations than I could ever imagine. I wish to say no more because I hope to show the final product next week.

Possibly there were a few here from last Sunday who are still reeling from our previous message on raising children. Maybe you didn't realize God's expectations? Maybe you didn't realize the spiritual responsibilities and work required to achieve these expectations? Maybe your concept of raising kids was upped a few notches now that you have been exposed to God's Word? Once again, possibly there is more to this matter than you once thought.

Marriage is no different. There are millions of reasons why people enter marriage today. There are millions of perspectives as to what a good marriage should include. And there are millions of marriages that have or are presently falling apart. Once again, most people (even within the church) have no idea why God created marriage, no idea as to what to look for in a prospective spouse and no idea how to build a marriage that honors God and brings a lifetime of happiness.

Today, as we continue our study in the book of Matthew, we will see what God's Word has to say about marriage. Once again, it may come as a surprise to some of you. There is much more to this blessed relationship than most of us have ever considered.

1. MARRIAGE IS TO BE PERMANENT

First of all, marriage is permanent.

The common conception swirling around today is that marriage is similar to buying a car. Try it out for a while. Maybe even drive it to the ground, but if the time ever comes that you are disappointed, you can always remove the undesirable object from your life and start over with a fresh product.

This takes us into our story this morning. The Pharisees, the chief enemies of our Lord came to Jesus with a question about marriage. They had no intention to hear Jesus' teaching on the subject. Rather the text says in verse 3 they came to "test" Him. They hoped to see Him contradict Moses. They hoped His answer would divide His people. They hoped Herod (who dumped his wife and whose territory Jesus was now ministering in) would hear His answer and do away with Jesus the same was he did away with John the Baptist. It was a loaded question intended to trap Jesus. They were antagonistic. Jesus was opportunistic. He uses the occasion to give us the greatest lesson on the permanence of marriage contained in all of the Bible.

The question from verse 3 went like this: "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?"

This was one of the hot issues of the day. It would be similar to asking: "What is you view of the recent Arizona immigration laws?" It was a polarizing question. Regardless of how you answer, you will ruffle feathers.

There were basically two camps regarding the divorce issue back in Jesus' day. The pivotal text they debated was Deuteronomy 24:1: "When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house." The firestorm was created over the interpretation of the words "some indecency" that permitted divorce. We know it could not have been adultery because that offense resulted in capital punishment (Dt. 22:22). So what was the "some indecency" that Moses spoke about?

Those in the rabbinic school of Hillel taught that anything goes. "Some indecency" could include burning the toast, wrinkles, etc. Any trivial offense according to Hillel was grounds for divorce. On the other hand the school of Shammai permitted divorce only for major offenses, though not limited to adultery. So the question is publicly posed to Jesus: "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" (Mt. 19:3). "What do you have to say about this, Jesus?" The crowd was represented with people with strong convictions on the subject and people with a record of divorce in their lifetime. All eyes were on Jesus as He stepped out into a veritable minefield.

Verse 4, "And [Jesus] answered and said, 'Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female.'"

I believe Jesus is basically saying this: Let's go back to the Bible - Genesis 1:27. Let's go beyond the Law to the original account of creation. Let's consider the first marriage that God created. Let's remember that God created one man and one woman. It was not man and man or woman and woman. It was not several men and several women. It was not Adam and an elephant or Adam and a harem or Adam and Steve. Let's remember marriage was a monogamous relationship whereby one man was to be with one woman. Let's remember the joy that Adam had when He first met Eve after a suitable helper was not found for him among the animals.

Let's remember that marriage is God's creation. He sets up the rules, and He brought delight to that first couple. So as we begin this debate about divorce, let's ignore our emotions and feelings, approach this from a positive perspective and use God's Word and God's intentions as our primary focal point. Marriage between a man and woman is God's creation. Marriage is not open to be altered by man. And marriage is good.

Jesus continues, verse 5, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." You see the previous verse told us to receive our spouse as a gift from the Lord. Far from leaving the door open to discard the gift someday, we accept the person as God's sovereign provision. That means we take our partner's strengths along with our partner's weaknesses. We love and cherish the gift because we trust the Gift-giver that His provision for us is good.

So whereas the last verse spoke about receiving, this verse, verse 5 as Jesus now quotes Genesis 2:24, talks about leaving, cleaving and weaving.

God's plan for marriage establishes a new relationship all of its own. This relationship now takes precedence over every past relationship - even the parental units. We still love and honor our parents, but our ultimate loyalty is to our spouse. To leave one's father and mother is to sever the chords of dependence and allegiance. Not always easy, but indispensable for a healthy marriage. That is how we are to leave our parents.

We are also called to cleave. Jesus says in verse 5 we are to be "joined" to our spouse. Literally the word means "to stick like glue." Practically speaking, men, that means that your wife is your best friend (see Mal. 2:13-16). You enjoy her company. You listen to her thoughts and feelings. You prioritize her interests above every other human. You find yourself often by her side physically and emotionally. You fiercely battle every force from within and without that would seek to pull you apart. You are welded, cemented together, knowing than any separation will only cause damage to both of you.

The best example I can think of in this area are the senior citizens I see on occasions still affectionate for each other. As you see them walking through the mall holding hands symbolizing the tight bond that still exists between them. Over their forty years of marriage they faced many storms, but they weathered them all. And to this day they are still found as they were on their wedding day, hand in hand and deeply in love with each other. I think that is beautiful. And that is God's plan.

Receiving, leaving, cleaving and now weaving. The conclusion of verse 5, "And the two shall become one flesh." This is the mysterious union created by God on the wedding day when two people become one in His sight.

When we think of the "one flesh" union, the physical aspects usually come to mind first. That is true because one of the reasons for physical intimacy is to illustrate this glorious truth. But it is much more than that. As one author said, "The one flesh in marriage is not just a physical phenomenon, but a uniting of the totality of two personalities. In marriage, we are one flesh spiritually by vow, economically by sharing, logistically by adjusting time and agreeing on disbursement of all life's resources, experientially by trudging through the dark valleys and standing victoriously on the peaks of success" (Louis Evans, Hebrews, p. 243). The oneness is so complete that as Paul said in Ephesians to love your spouse is actually loving yourself (Eph. 5:28-29). Therefore the "one flesh" promotes not getting, but giving as much as you can to your spouse. It is putting all those needs I just mentioned above your own.

The conclusion is stated in verse 6, "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

From God's perspective marriage is a work of God. It is an indivisible union. It is a creation He has formed with His hands. How can man separate this?

From your spouse's perspective when you marry you promise trust. Your vow probably said something along these lines: "For better or for worse." "Till death do us part." How can that partner have any security if your words meant nothing, and divorce is always an option? We are all human. When will his or her next mistake be the one that breaks the camel's back? Without trust our marriages will always remain in the basement and never soar to the heavenly delights that God intends.

And from your perspective keeping the door open for departure will not breed commitment and perseverance. There will come a point in your mind that the wick of reconciliation will burn out. Unlimited forgiveness (as the previous section taught - Mt. 18:21-35) will become limited. Your personal happiness will always loom in the forefront. The pastures elsewhere will always seem greener.

2. DIVORCE IS TO BE AVOIDED

So as we move to the second point, do you see what Jesus has just done? As these guys were vying for reasons to pursue divorce, Jesus takes them back to the purpose and permanence of marriage. While they wanted to talk about the sin of divorce, Jesus talks about the beauty of marriage. And while they wanted Him to take sides with men's perspectives He takes them back to God's Word and God's beliefs which are much deeper than man's flimsy commitments. What a masterful response!

Well, the Pharisees would not go away that easily. If Jesus wanted to debate using God's Word they were ready for a good fight. If Jesus wanted to argue the permanence of marriage with God's Word, how would He cope with God's Word that seemed to permit divorce? If the Pharisees could not cause a division with Jesus and other teachers, maybe they could succeed in causing a division with Jesus and the great lawgiver, Moses. And from their perspective that would be even better.

Verse 7, "They said to Him, 'Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?'"

A few comments.

First of all, the certificate of divorce goes back to the comments regarding the "some indecency" that was spoken about in Deuteronomy 24. We know it was not adultery, but no one today can identify what it was with absolute precision. It was something of a serious nature - we will have to leave it at that. Also, the point of the passage in Deuteronomy was not to teach about divorce, but rather to teach about remarriage and also to protect the woman in a culture that trampled over the rights of women.

Second, the Pharisees were in error. Moses did not "command" (verse 7) people to divorce their spouse. Human divorce is never God's desired will. It was a provision and concession made by God, not a "command."

Third, the provision was made due to the hardness of people's hearts. Verse 8, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives." Jesus is saying that divorce is not the result of a couple living a godly life. It is the sad result of one or both living with a hard heart that refuses to forebear, reconcile and live for the joy of the other - insistence on one's own way. Divorce is never a morally neutral, God-ordained action. It is the result of hearts calloused by sin.

Fourth, back to the beginning, divorce is never the preferred option, and it contradicts the good plan and perfect design of God. The end of verse 8, "[Although Moses permitted divorce] from the beginning it has not been this way."

Jesus as the new lawgiver now lays down His verdict. We see Him do this repeatedly in the Sermon on the Mount. Verse 9, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."

I know this verse raises a million questions. "What about the Greek word porneia?" I covered the exegetical nuisances in more depth when I taught on this material from Matthew 5. You may read the transcript from the website. "Are divorced people 'still married in God's sight.'" No, I do not believe they are. "Should divorced people return to their former spouse if they are remarried?" No, regardless of how it was created, God recognizes the new union. "Should divorced people seek to reconcile with their former spouse is still unmarried?" Yes. "Is divorce OK?" No, and you should do everything you can to preserve your marriage. We at the Grace Tabernacle will never counsel people to divorce, and we will bend over backwards to help in whatever way possible to save marriages (and sometimes I sadly think we care more to preserve the marriage than some couples). "Does God forgive unbiblical divorces?" Of course. "Is there any permissible reason for divorce?" Yes, as Jesus said and it is rank sexually immorality usually encountered in the form of adultery. (There is one also in 1 Corinthians 7:15 regarding the unbelieving spouse leaving. We will stay with our text for now.) Going back to what Jesus said, I don't believe this means that you must divorce your spouse for cheating. Furthermore I believe you should forgive and restore the union. But I do believe that if you spouse has a hard heart toward repentance, as a last resort you have the freedom to move on because he or she has violated the "one flesh" union (as the context maintains). Even God divorced Israel for her spiritual adultery (Jer. 3:8).

So I think of it this way. Moses permitted divorce because of hard hearts. Hard hearts still exist today. So Jesus as the final voice of authority, in one sense took the Old Testament and made it lighter. Capital punishment is no longer the penalty for adultery. But in another sense He made it heavier. The only basis for divorce is rank sexual sin.

3, SINGLENESS IS TO BE CONSIDERED

Now that ups the ante! That is not what anybody, much less the disciples, expected to hear. Let's briefly go to the third point and see their reaction.

Verse 10, "The disciples said to Him, 'If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.'" In other words, if there is no possibility of divorce, married life can be quite difficult! The disciples saw exactly what Jesus was teaching. Again, more clear proof that the option for divorce was removed. Marriage is to be a lifelong commitment! And it is the lifelong commitment that makes marriage unique, fulfilling and a step above any dating relationship.

Verse 11, "But [Jesus] said to them, 'Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given.'" Jesus affirms the disciples' concern. Marriage is a high commitment. But on the other hand, living a life of celibacy is a high commitment as well.

Verse 12, "For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs [not literally] for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it."

Though unbelievers ignore the standards of God, believers must accept the two options that are presented. Be married and stay faithful to your spouse for a lifetime (avoid adultery), or remain single and refrain from sexual activity (avoid fornication). Neither are easy, but by God's grace both are possible.

God has created marriage to be a delight. When both members commit to doing it His way, marriage will be everything their hearts' desire. But marriage also has a higher purpose. God created physical marriage between a man and woman to mirror the spiritual marriage between Christ and His church (Eph. 5:32). As we spoke about the receiving and leaving and cleaving and weaving, we do those things to illustrate our union with Christ. We have received Him as our Lord and Savior. We have left all other gods and idols of allegiance. We have cleaved to Him as number one. And we have been weaved as one with Him (He in us and us in Him) whereby we are members of His body.

So why is divorce not part of God's plan? Why does He say in Malachi 2:16, "I hate divorce?" Could you imagine yourself divorcing Christ? Could you imagine Christ divorcing you?

So may we as a bride and groom successfully show the world the loving and inseparable union between Jesus Christ (our heavenly husband) and the church (His earthy bride) as we enjoy this blessed union and live for the glory of God and the joy of our partner.


More in Matthew

May 1, 2011

The Great Conclusion

April 24, 2011

Resurrecting Hope (2)

April 17, 2011

The First Prerequisite To Resurrection