Transcript

God's Blueprint for a Father

1 Thessalonians 2:1-12
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Pastor Randy Smith

If there is one thing that we all have in common, it is the reality of dealing with pain in this fallen world. Perhaps it is a physical ailment, the inability to meet financial needs, a rebellious child or the loss of a loved one. You have pain. I have pain. And we all wish that pain would disappear.

The apostle Paul was no different. In 2 Corinthians 12 he spoke about his "thorn in the flesh" (2 Cor. 12:7). Theologians have debated as to what exactly this was, but there is no doubt that whatever it was, Paul said it brought him great pain, in his own words, great "torment" (2 Cor. 12:7). The Scriptures state he went to the Lord not once, but three times, pleading with God that the pain might be removed (2 Cor. 12:8). And God's response was that the pain would remain, but that God would provide sufficient grace for Paul to stand up under the pressures and even grow spiritually as a result (2 Cor. 12:9).

How did Paul respond? "Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Cor. 12:9-10). Paul understood that his weaknesses gave a greater platform for God's strength to be put on display in his life.

So why am I sharing this to introduce a sermon on biblical manhood? Because just as God oftentimes does not remove the trial, but provides grace sufficient to meet the needs of the trial, God does not lower His exceptionally high standards for men, but provides the grace necessary for us to achieve those standards.

The expectations placed upon us as husbands and fathers is intended to be overwhelming, impossible to fulfill on our own strength. The goal is to break us of self-sufficiency so that we can depend solely on the strength of Jesus Christ to work His will through us. So to be victorious men, we don't lower God's standard or try to meet the standard in our own strength or throw up our hands in defeat at the standard, rather we accept the standard, acknowledge our human weaknesses and depend on the strength of God for success.

Men, what I am sharing with you are God's expectations. What I am sharing with you will bring the greatest happiness to your family. But what I am sharing with you requires the need to look to Jesus and maintain a steadfast union with Him, knowing that His grace is sufficient to strengthen you to fulfill His will, making the apparently overwhelming commands "easy" and the apparently heavy burden "light" (Mt. 11:30).

So last week we looked at God's blueprint for a husband (if you missed please make sure you obtain a CD or listen to it off the Website). This morning we will look at God's blueprint for a father.

The passage I have chosen for this morning is not one commonly chosen for a topic of this nature. In 1 Thessalonians 2, the apostle Paul is describing his ministry to the church. He shares his heart and the passion he as a spiritual father (cf. 1 Cor. 4.15) has for the church, his spiritual children. Yet while this passage depicts a ministry relationship, it is based on the attitude a natural father should have for his natural children.

So let's see what principles we as dads can glean from this text. I wish to focus primarily on verses 7 where Paul describes himself as a "mother" and verse 11 where Paul describes himself as a "father."

1. HOW IS A GOOD FATHER LIKE A MOTHER?

So the first of these two points: how is a good father like a mother? In verse 7 we read Paul, the spiritual father, saying to his spiritual children, "But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mothertenderly cares for her own children." In comparing himself to a mother, Paul is in no way diminishing masculinity. Rather he is saying that true men also exemplify the traits that commonly come to mind when we think of a mother.

SELF-GIVING

One of those is self-giving. When we talk about self-giving can any metaphor better illustrate this than a mother?

I think oftentimes we do not realize this until we become parents ourselves. I mean when we were kids (at least it was for me) I believed the sole purpose for my mother's existence was simply to meet my personal needs.

As a kid, hockey practices were at 5:00 in the morning. Not only did I expect her to drive me to the rink at that time, I also expected her to wake me up (never a minute earlier than necessary) and have the hot breakfast ready for me to eat on the fly. And then in high school we had hockey practice very late in the evening. But there was mom to drive me, wait inside the cold ice arena, get me home before midnight and then prepare to take me to swim practice the next day two hours before school started. As hard as I can think there was never a word of complaint, never an expectation for the favors to be returned. Despite the arrogance and ignorance on my part there was just the continual outpouring of sacrificial love.

This is what I think of when I read Paul's words in 1 Thessalonians 2. Look at the selfless nature of this man: Verse 6, "Nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others." Selfless people are not in it for the praises of others. They give simply because they love and desire the glory for their selfless actions to go directly to God. Verse 8, "We were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives." They gave the Gospel, the message of salvation in Jesus Christ, the greatest gift they could impart, but it was not just in word only. Paul says they gave of their very lives, their time, their efforts, literally their souls to these people. Self-giving! And verse 9, "For you recall, brethren, our labor and hardship,how working night and day so as not to be a burden to any of you." Paul and his crew had every right to minister for money, but they chose to work (in addition to their ministry) "night and day" rather than accept a penny from the church if it meant a greater opportunity to display their genuineness and love. What an incredible self-giving spirit!

"[Love] does not seek its own" (1 Cor. 13:5)! Dads, do you have a self-giving attitude toward your children? How do you view your kids? Why has God placed them in your life? Is it for them to serve you through their academic and sports accomplishments or for you to serve them? How do you sacrifice for them? If you have daughters, are you willing to play with dolls and allow them to dress you up? I can remember one Christmas watching my cousin assemble the coolest remote control dune buggy for his son and all I could remember was assembling the Barbie Dream Ships earlier in the morning! Now that's selfless sacrifice!

Specifically, how do you sacrifice for your children spiritually? Do your decisions have their best spiritual interests in mind, even if it limits your own pleasures and freedoms? Do you consider them when you pursue your choices regarding entertainment, use of alcohol, extended work hours, time away with the buddies, church involvement and the list continues. Are you making sacrificial choices for their best spiritual interest?

I even dislike using the word "sacrificial" because when we love someone that natural desire of our heart is to put their needs above our own. Paul who made tremendous sacrifices for the church said in verse 8 that he was "well pleased" to do so. There was no obligation, duty or burden. It was simply the overflow from a heart of love. We see that at the end of verse 8, "You had become very dear to us." This church was loved by God (1 Thes. 1:4; cf. 2 Thes. 2:13) and loved by the apostle as well.

Fathers, there is no glory in being the dad often portrayed by the world: Cold, stoic, removed emotionally from the family, macho, tough-guy, too cool to sing with the family in church. Rather real dads carry with them some of the traits so commonly seen in mothers. They are to be self-sacrificial. Let me also share with you that like mothers they are to be tender as well.

TENDERNESS

It appears some false teachers crept into the church at Thessalonica. And it appears that they took advantage of the church using, like all false teachers do, the church for their own personal gains. They were harsh, unloving, dictatorial, domineering and cruel. Yet in verse 7 Paul contrasts he and the other missionaries with these spiritual wolves: "But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children" (cf. Num. 11:12). In verse 8 he says they had a "fond affection." Note the words in these verses: "gentle" and "tender" and "affectionate."

Consider the entertainment icon from the 70's, Steve Martin as he relays the lack of tenderness he shared with his father.

After he died at age 83, many of his friends told me how much they loved him, how generous he was, how outgoing, how funny, how caring. I was surprised at these descriptions. During my teenage years, there was little said to me that was not criticism. I remember him as angry… [Near the end of his life] we hugged each other and he whispered, "I love you," with a voice barely audible. This would be the first time these words were ever spoken between us… [When he was about to die] I stood at the end of the bed and we looked into each other's eyes for a long, unbroken time. At last he said, 'You did everything I wanted to do.' I said the truth: 'I did it for you.' Looking back, I'm sure that we both had different interpretations of what I meant. I sat on the edge of the bed and another silence fell over us. Then he said, 'I wish I could cry, I wish I could cry.' At first, I took this as a comment on his condition but am forever thankful that I pushed on. "What do you want to cry about?" I finally said. [He said,] 'For all the love I received and couldn't return'" (Steve Martin, Reader's Digest, 2008).

The Lord knows we as men have a weakness in this area of tenderness. Just as I said last week, we can easily exploit our role with our wives; likewise we can easily do it with our children. Children are called to obey and honor us (Eph. 6:2; Col. 3:20), but directly following that command we are commanded: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger" (Eph. 6:4) and "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart" (Col. 3:21).

So how do we exasperate our children? Oftentimes we do this when we are not tender with them. When we criticize them to such a point that our child's spirit is broken, or when we are overstrict whereby grace and mercy are lost words in our home, or when we are constantly irritable, a continual time bomb just waiting to explode, or when we are inconsistent in our personality, discipline or promises, or when we show favoritism to one child over another.

On the other hand, good fathers are tender. They demonstrate sensitivity and display warmth and dispense encouragement. Real dads are affectionate people. It is first seen in a passionate relationship with Jesus Christ. Then it is seen in the father's relationship with the child's mother. And then it is seen in the affectionate love with the child him or herself. This does not mean that fathers are sinfully pliable or are easily manipulated, but rather that they demonstrate the true strength of a man by emulating the tenderness of a mother, the tenderness of Jesus Christ (Jn. 11:35; Lk. 7:36-50), knowing their child individually and then pouring in the tender love (cf. Mal. 4:5-6).

2. HOW IS A GOOD FATHER LIKE A FATHER?

My time is fleeting so we need to move to the second point. A good father carries some traits common in mothers, and a good father carries the traits expected of them by God as fathers.

One clear place to look for theexample of a good father is the fatherhood of God. Since God is the perfect Father, how can we as fathers created in His image imitate him? Among many others, two thoughts instantly come to mind. In His great love for His children, God brings to us the necessary discipline and instruction. And we should not be surprised that when we read in the Scriptures the role of a father, it is boiled down to this: "Fathers…bring [your children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4). Let's take a look at both of those individually.

DISCIPLINE

Discipline, I like that word more than "punishment." I view punishment as getting a child back for a wrongdoing. Discipline on the other hand is always intended to be corrective. Hebrews 12 teaches us that God disciplines us because He loves us (Heb. 12:6). He wants us to "share His holiness" (Heb. 12:10). He cares too much for us to allow us to remain in destructive sinful behavior. The same should be said for us as fathers. Our greatest goal should desire our children to love God. So when they engage in unbiblical behavior, which not only pulls them away from God, but also brings consequences in their lives, we will seek to correct them. If we love our kids, we will discipline them.

I could preach ten sermons on biblical discipline, but for now permit me to provide just a few key points to consider. We discipline not in anger, but in love. We discipline not because we are personally irritated, but because we want to help. We discipline in a way that is firm, fair and consistent. We discipline with the Word of God as our authority. We discipline, always leaving room for forgiveness and restoration. We discipline always pointing to the Lord Jesus Christ who alone brings the ultimate forgiveness and strength and hope we need to overcome sinful behavior.

INSTRUCTION

And in addition to discipline, good fathers also instruct their children. Look how Paul put it in verse 11 of our passage: "Just as you know how we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children."

Men, please understand we need to use verbal instruction as did Paul, but the primary way we instruct our children is to set the right example for them in our own lives. It must start there. Kids hate hypocrisy. Hypocrisy exasperates them. And hypocrisy renders all of our verbal instruction meaningless. Your actions will always carry more weight than your words. In verse 3 Paul said, "For our exhortation does not come from error or impurity or by way of deceit." In verse 10 Paul told the church, "You are witnesses, and so is God, how devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved towardyou believers." Fathers, can you say that to your children? Can they testify as a witness that you practice what you preach? Paul put it like this to the Corinthians, "Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ" (1 Cor. 11:1; cf. 4:16). Fathers can you right now say that to your children? "Son, daughter; follow me as I follow Christ."

Fathers, think about your life. Are you instructing your children toward godliness? And if so, are you setting the example for them in your own life? Do you teach them about impurity, but view movies and television shows that are unwholesome? Do you teach you them about the proper use of God's money and then fail to show them because you are robbing God and/or spending above your means? Do you teach them to respect others, but are found slandering the boss, trashing the neighbors or disrespecting your wife? Do you teach them that the local church is important, but attend yourself only when it conveniently fits in your schedule? Do you teach them to prioritize the Bible, but then never crack your Bible in the home? Do you teach your kids to serve others, but then sit around the church and around the home as a modern day Archie Bunker? There is an epidemic of churched kids running from the church and hating the things in the faith when they approach their teenage years. I can't be sure, but how much is this type of hypocrisy to be blamed for the problem?

This role of a man as the Christlike leader for his family has all but disappeared even in most churches. We have become heartless wimps. We have become too lazy to learn what we need to do and too lazy to put the effort forth to accomplish it. Too many Christian men have followed the culture and have gravitated to be the bumbling fools depicted in the most modern television shows. Be a man according to God's wisdom and not the world's! Dare by God's grace to forge for yourself godly children.

General Douglas MacArthur prayed:

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid. One who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat and humble and gentle in victory. Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds, a son who will know You and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge. Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high, a son who will master himself when he seeks to master other men. One who will reach into the future yet never forget the past. And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor so that he may always be serious yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness. Then I, his father, will dare to whisper I have not lived in vain."

The unknown author from the nineteenth century once said:

My dear children, never did I pass a more truly solemn or interesting moment than that in which my firstborn child was put into my arms and when I felt that I was a father. A new comfort was then produced in my heart which every succeeding day has tended to confirm and strengthen. I looked up to heaven and breathed over my baby the petition of Abraham for his son. "O that Ishmael might live before." Recognizing in the little helpless being which had been so lately introduced into our world, there was a creature born for eternity and who when the sun shall be extinguished would be still soaring in heaven or sinking in hell. I returned to my closet for private devotion and solemnly dedicated the child to the God who had given me the precious life. And I earnestly prayed that whatever might be his lot in this world, he might be a partaker of true holiness and numbered with the saints in everlasting glory."

Fathers, a precious soul has been placed in your hands. Anyone can father a child, but very few care enough to be effective fathers. Too many, even in the church, are cruel, absent or silent. Be men who love them through self-giving and tenderness. Be men who love them through discipline and instruction. And be men on their deathbed who made many mistakes, but are able to hear their children say, "Thank you dad for leading me to the cross of Jesus Christ and showing me by your own life that everything else in life pales in comparison" (Pr. 17:6).